40-something

Hey.  I'm starting today to put some time into something I miss in an attempt to feel better.  My life happened over the past couple of years and I got off track.  I guess that's not true.  What really happened is that I had to focus on other things for a while, and that is really ok.  No mistakes I guess.  Also, I'm 40 freakin 2.  That's got to be a pretty good excuse.

I used to blog about running, which sounds weird, but it did help me stay motivated.  I liked sharing the beautiful views that I saw while I was out, my new favorite trails I discovered and things that helped me when I was injured.  I really don't care if I have readers so much.  It's the process of putting it out there that's helpful for me.  I promise I won't care if you don't follow or have anything to say or if you remove yourself from the group.  But if you want to be a part of the same goal, I would LOVE for you to blog and share the links in the Facebook group for everyone.  That way we can support each other.  Some of you already do this.  I'd just invite you to share the links in the group if you want.

SO...  TODAY, I made it to the gym.  Late, but made it.  I had eaten already because it was already 10:something and when I try to run or do anything up and down, like the elliptical with food in my stomach I get a stomach ache.  I did a little treadmill, a little elliptical and some bike plus some triceps machine  About and hour and a half all together of not a whole lot of effort.  Right now I'm just trying to get there and do something.  I'm still having energy issues that I'm working on.  Ideally I could run at a good pace for a whole hour.  That's where the endorphin rush is for me and what I crave.  I've been trying to go after the kids go to school, which these days I don't have time for.  So starting tomorrow I'm getting up at 5:00 AM before the rush.  I hate getting up in the dark.  It's depressing.  But it's more depressing to not be in shape, so 5:00 AM it is.  Also, Ron's a night owl and doesn't get up early.  He has to try and be quiet while I go to sleep and I have to try and be quiet while he's still asleep in the morning.  We don't like each other very much during those times of day.

I am aware that 75% of weight is dependent on FOOD and about 25% exercise.  Unless I'm going to be running 4 hours a day like I used to, I need to focus a lot more on what I'm eating.  My goal is to have vegis cut up and ready in the fridge to cook and have lean meats ready to eat so I don't reach for something on the pantry shelf when I'm hungry.  I know I crave healthy foods when I exercise and I also have more energy to exercise if I'm eating right.  They depend on each other.  I would LOVE for you guys to share recipes and healthy stuff you eat!

 This is going to be cauliflower mash.  (Not that I have a problem with mashed potatoes with no butter.  I don't do low carb really.  I eat starchy stuff and have never felt like it has effected me negatively.  I have no energy when I don't eat carbs.  What DOES effect me though is fats.  I've gotten in some bad habits with fat.  I know that is what has helped drain my energy and made me gain.)  Using cauliflower is just a way to get more high fiber vegis in your diet.  It is always good to add low calorie bulk.  You steam them till soft, drain the water, add salt and then mash them.  You can add a little Parmesan cheese for flavor but today I left that out.  (See above re: fat.)

My favorite lean protein these days is egg whites.  I buy the big box of these little containers at Costco.  It's cheap, easy to cook fast, you can flavor eggs any way you want, especially egg whites, no fat in them and they go well with anything else on your plate.  I decided not to show a pic of the finished plate before I ate it because the eggs and the cauliflower are the same color and although I put tomatoes and avocados on top, it was not a pretty picture - But believe me that was yummy.

Third thing I'm changing: I'm done with anti anxiety and antidepressant meds.  I know they were something else that made me slip into the bad habits.  I know they don't do that for everyone, so please don't think I'm saying I think they are a bad idea for everyone.  Their effect on me was that I just didn't care about my health anymore.  I was unhappy with the way I looked and felt, but I also was numbed just enough to say to myself, "Meh, whatever." I don't want to be numb anymore.  I'm going to feel it and deal with it, whatever that is.  Marriage stress, money stress, kid stress, school stress, neighborhood stress....  For a while I told myself I couldn't handle it and took some meds to help me not feel it.  I think for me that was a bad idea.  So I'm going to be working on learning how to deal with hard stuff.

So guys.  Join me if you'd like.  I'd love to hear what you are doing, what's working and not working for you!  Love you. (Serious)