I normally prefer winter. Even in the snowy parts of the state. I like winter fashions better. I like playing with my kids outside in the winter. I like bundling up and breathing in the cold. I like fires and hot chocolate. I think it's beautiful... You get it.
I also like winter better because Summer hates
me. I hate swim suits, being hot and sweaty and my legs in shorts.
These are some reasons why St. George has been a difficult transition, but not the only reasons. I have never fit in here. I made a couple of pretty close friends a few years ago in our last ward, but they moved and I have never really made any others since. There are really wonderful women in the neighborhood where I live. I like them all and get along fine with just about everyone. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that I'm not
like them. Ya know? I just don't enjoy doing what they all do. I'm not into Twilight or midnight movies of any kind for that matter. I don't want to read or talk about what they read and talk about.
I've forgotten what it's like to be around people that I can
hang with. And maybe that's a silly thing to care about at my age. I've really thrown myself into finding the fun that is to be had here. I take my kids to the river or lakes during the hot season, I run on the awesome jogging path, and get involved in community stuff. I really
have put my heart into it and until last December I thought I was doing fine and that eventually I'd really be "from St. George." But I'm really feeling super homesick these last few months. I am actually having panic. I wake up and after just a couple of seconds I remember where I am and what my life is consisting of right now and I instantly feel sick. I'm trying to figure out if it's my surroundings, or that I'm involved in too much community stuff, or the absence of friends, or something else entirely.
Maybe it's just that because I've been so busy and stressed with everything that's gone wrong this winter I haven't had time to run at ALL or do anything that I am used to having in my schedule. I had signed up for that Zion 100, which is in a couple of weeks, but obviously that isn't going to happen. One nice thing that has happened with being so busy, is that I have spent a lot more time thinking about other people and things that need me instead of spending it all running. I've realized how I really don't want to be that selfish anymore. There are so many important things that I could be spending my time doing that would help others and the community. I'm not ever going to feel good spending that much time on myself again, I hope. I just need to do as much as I need to feel good and that's it.
I've been thrown in to the Chair position of a community arts committee the past year. I had no idea how to do the job and really no guidance at all. I went okay, maybe even went
well, but I have one more year as chair, and now that I know how to do the job, I feel like I am going to have to give it even more effort to make sure it's done right. Even though I really love art and am happy to be involved in it's promotion, I'm not sure if this is what I should be spending my time doing. I wonder if I feel so much unrest because it's
not what I should be doing. We just finished the big job and are kind of breaking for the summer so I won't have that pressuring me quite so much for a while.
We are moving around the corner in the next month. It could be that I just am feeling displaced. Although, I'm looking forward to the change so I don't know if that would be effecting me in this way.
Here's to a fresh start, new surroundings (kinda), and new schedule. Fingers crossed for a good Spring/Summer.
